BEATING THE HOLIDAY BLUES

MANHATTAN -- In storybooks, holidays are a time of peace on earth and goodwill to all. Families come together from miles around to share in celebrating traditions that have been passed from generation to generation. In reality, however, family reunions may not be so perfect or they may not occur at all. For whatever reason, many people often feel sad during the holidays. One Kansas State University faculty member explains why.

Elaine Johannes, extension specialist in community mental health, said there is a difference between depression and the holiday blues that can often pop up around this time of year. True depression is a mental disorder that has a chemical basis to it. The holiday blues, on the other hand, can come from a variety of sources.

"I think people may start feeling a little more anxious and a little bit more stressed around holidays," Johannes said. "People may start feeling the holiday blues, a little bit down or maybe even grief, remembering some things that changed throughout the year, some losses they had.

"Our society puts a lot of expectation around holiday time. This is supposed to be happy time, family time. This is supposed to be, especially at the end of the year, a time where we mark our successes from the previous year. We reflect. We kind of count up mentally how we've grown and how we've been able to achieve things we've set ourselves to achieve. If we haven't achieved all of our goals, some people can get somewhat despondent."

This sense of sadness is quite normal according to Johannes and does not necessarily indicate a deeper problem.

"I don't think it's (holiday sadness) a warning sign. I think it's a sign that someone's alive. Life hands us stuff that's sometimes really hard to deal with. But if the person continues to feel that sadness and sees no hope or believes that there's no relief, then that's a warning sign. Sadness as it takes hold can totally change the person's relationships, how they view work, their children, their husband, wife, or girlfriend, even how they go to school."

Johannes said there are a few things to consider to find out where your own holiday blues stem from. A common trap many people fall into is setting expectations too high and getting stressed because they overextend themselves.

"How do you stay upbeat during the holidays when there's all this stuff that you're supposed to be doing? I think people should think about what they expect out of the holiday. If my expectation is to get the largest gift or the fanciest car, or if the expectations outstrip the reality, then you're set up to fail. I think before we get caught in the trap of expectation -- building and assuming that this holiday will be the one to beat any other holiday -- take a real good look at what you want out of this."

It is also easy to take on too much during the holiday season. According to Johannes, people can commit themselves to too many activities and even though they may be fun, it can still lead to burn-out.

"Also, practice moderation in everything," she said. "That's such a dry cliché, but it's true. Moderation in expectations, in eating, in drinking, and in spending. Moderation in socializing, too. Sometimes there are too many people, too much happening, too many opportunities to have fun. Moderation so you don't get burnt out and so you aren't on the track that keeps building your expectations."

Family traditions can also be a source of confusion during the holidays, especially when those traditions come into conflict with something else.

"I guess the other thing too, in addition to looking at our expectations and doing everything in moderation, is to really have a good look inside our heads and see what a holiday means to us. Each one of us has our own perception of what a holiday should be, be it Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Christmas, or Thanksgiving. Whatever we call that holiday, what does it mean to me and what does it mean to the family I'm from? Look at the meanings you assign to holidays and be frank about them. And if we feel stress, conflict or sadness it could be that the meanings aren't very realistic," said Johannes.

Finally, there are many places people can turn to if they feel overwhelmed by those holiday blues.

"When we're talking about normal, natural holiday blues there are a lot of resources out there that don't require a physician," Johannes said. "Oftentimes in rural areas we find that the family doc is the one that people go to first. They don't know why they might be feeling down, so they'll go to the family doctor. Clergy definitely can be a resource. The clergy can help people find meaning in the losses they've experienced. Friends can also be of tremendous help. It's amazing what friendship can do, especially if you're having a tough time at the end of the year, holiday time."

Finally, it is important to remember that sometimes a mental health professional can be the best resource for helping people understand they are not alone.

"Counseling, talk therapy, being in a support group all can be helpful. Because you find out that your feelings aren't weird. They aren't abnormal. Given the circumstances, being sad may be the most logical thing to do at that time."

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December 1997